Running errands with Mom

My Mom has been asking me these last few weeks to setup an appointment with the Funeral Home for her. She wants to make her final arrangements. Which, although it seems kind of 'morbid' or 'forboding' it actually makes a lot of sense to get all that stuff squared away ahead of time.

The thing is - we went to the same Funeral Home where we had my father's funeral. It was surreal being in there. I now know the level at which my Mom was completely distraught two years ago when we first stepped into the place. Sitting in the office waiting for the funeral director, she asked if they redid their wallpaper and if the antique chair right next to the door were new. Of course, neither was new. Now I know that she was completely oblivious to the entire transaction the last time we were there.

For me, I remembered every detail. From the little non-step right outside the door to the distinct color of the carpet along with the smell of the place. I time traveled back two years to when we were scrambling to set things straight for my Dad. I believe I acted in the same manor as well - put my feelings on hold just long enough to get the job done. I didn't know it, but I could recall the crispness of the paper and had committed to memory the pricing of my father's funeral. It was all so strange.

My Mom held up like a trooper. I could tell by the longing way that she gazed out the door, that she was imagining the last time she saw her husband, her best friend that she has known since childhood. I knew she was picturing the moment she last kissed him good-bye. And she, like me, could probably conjure up a clear image of how he looked at peace lying in the casket. Finally his mind at ease. No longer would he have to worry about forgetting or worry about trying to remember.

Th only sure thing in life is that we will all die. There is no escaping that fact. My Dad taught me not to fear death, but to embrace it and use it as a guide to ensure you're living your life to its fullest. Now my Mom seems to have taken over that role. She tells me all the time "we are all going to die" but then she reminds me "enjoy your life - you are young - now is the time for you to live".

After our appointment, we went shopping and spent some time changing a tire in the pouring rain. How my Dad would've laughed at that :)