Monday, April 30, 2012
Runs in the family ...
I guess I look like and remind my Mom of her Tia Angelina. She was telling me this past weekend that her aunt was always quick with a joke, always on the go, and always the first one to defend my Mom - especially when she would bring my Mom home and yell at my Grandmother telling her that she is not to be punishing my Mom.
There's not much to tell in this post ... I just didn't want to forget who my Mom really thinks I remind her of.
Tia Angelina. My grandmother's sister.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Nights Out?
I recently had a discussion with my Mom about nights out without your spouse/significant other or whatever. Growing up, I always thought my parents were joined at the hip and one would never go anywhere without the other (and with us children in tow as well). I was pretty surprised to hear that my parents would routinely go out without each other.
My Mom said that it was stupid to be stuck in the house with each other, and that couples that are attached at the hip are uber-jealous. She said that eventually you just run out of stuff to talk about - and get on each other's nerves if you don't have space.
When my parents were first married and had just had my sister, they were still living in Terceira. My mother said that pretty much every single week, my father would go to the movies on Friday nights, and she would go to bingo on Saturday nights. (The fact that she went to BINGO still astonishes me!) That way, they wouldn't have to impose on their parents or anyone else to watch my sister and they'd each get to do something that they'd enjoy.
Imagine - all these years I thought for sure they'd never left each other's side. And here I was in the midst of this conversation of the importance of space in a relationship with my MOM! Mindblowing. You sort of forget that your parents were young once and had lives. I'm glad to have had that conversation with her. And wish my father were here to add his anecdotes to the story - because I'm sure there would've been some!
My Mom said that it was stupid to be stuck in the house with each other, and that couples that are attached at the hip are uber-jealous. She said that eventually you just run out of stuff to talk about - and get on each other's nerves if you don't have space.
When my parents were first married and had just had my sister, they were still living in Terceira. My mother said that pretty much every single week, my father would go to the movies on Friday nights, and she would go to bingo on Saturday nights. (The fact that she went to BINGO still astonishes me!) That way, they wouldn't have to impose on their parents or anyone else to watch my sister and they'd each get to do something that they'd enjoy.
Imagine - all these years I thought for sure they'd never left each other's side. And here I was in the midst of this conversation of the importance of space in a relationship with my MOM! Mindblowing. You sort of forget that your parents were young once and had lives. I'm glad to have had that conversation with her. And wish my father were here to add his anecdotes to the story - because I'm sure there would've been some!
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
It's not a story from my Mom ....
... but a story nonetheless.
Growing up, I was convinced that the only sport that was worth playing was soccer. As far back as I can remember, soccer has always been on TV or on the radio. Soccer was the topic of conversation for my parents and their friends - carrying with it the ability to transform a carefree gathering around the table into the next world war.
At one point, I used to play soccer with a bunch of friends - we never won a game. But after every game, my Dad would ask "how many goals did you score?" My answer was always "None." He would always tell me not to worry, there'd be a goal at the next game. That was about 10 years ago.
After taking a hiatus of about 8 years, I recently joined an indoor soccer team. Last night, I scored my first goal ever. Like a real "shot-on-net" goal, not a "oh-it-bounced-off-my-foot" goal. Making it even more special, my stepson and my husband were there. We ended up losing the game, but that's beside the point.
On the way home, we were chatting about the game and I told my stepson and husband the story about my Dad always asking how many goals I scored. My stepson replies "well, if you want, I will pray with you and we can tell your Dad together." I responded "You know I don't pray, I wasn't raised Catholic." And, in only the way that 10 years olds can do, he says "oh, no problem, I'll tell him for you." Then he looks up to the sky (well, the roof of the car) and says "guess what? Aura scored a goal!!" ... and then says to me "he's proud of you."
When did he turn into an adult?
You know what, though, I know he's proud of me. He always was. It never mattered if I scored a goal or not. I always knew he was proud of me. My Dad was like that. Unconditionally supportive and proud.
Growing up, I was convinced that the only sport that was worth playing was soccer. As far back as I can remember, soccer has always been on TV or on the radio. Soccer was the topic of conversation for my parents and their friends - carrying with it the ability to transform a carefree gathering around the table into the next world war.
At one point, I used to play soccer with a bunch of friends - we never won a game. But after every game, my Dad would ask "how many goals did you score?" My answer was always "None." He would always tell me not to worry, there'd be a goal at the next game. That was about 10 years ago.
After taking a hiatus of about 8 years, I recently joined an indoor soccer team. Last night, I scored my first goal ever. Like a real "shot-on-net" goal, not a "oh-it-bounced-off-my-foot" goal. Making it even more special, my stepson and my husband were there. We ended up losing the game, but that's beside the point.
On the way home, we were chatting about the game and I told my stepson and husband the story about my Dad always asking how many goals I scored. My stepson replies "well, if you want, I will pray with you and we can tell your Dad together." I responded "You know I don't pray, I wasn't raised Catholic." And, in only the way that 10 years olds can do, he says "oh, no problem, I'll tell him for you." Then he looks up to the sky (well, the roof of the car) and says "guess what? Aura scored a goal!!" ... and then says to me "he's proud of you."
When did he turn into an adult?
You know what, though, I know he's proud of me. He always was. It never mattered if I scored a goal or not. I always knew he was proud of me. My Dad was like that. Unconditionally supportive and proud.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Hurricane Irene Hit ... and digs up memories
We were recently hit by Hurricane Irene. Well, I guess technically it was a tropical storm by the time it hit us. While most of the region was left without power, we were fortunate to have never lost power through the whole ordeal. We did lose Cable TV for most of the day during the storm. Cable went out around 11 or so in the morning and returned in time for the VMA awards (around 9pm).
Typically I'd be sarcastic "aww, what a horrible fate bestowed upon us to be left without Cable TV". However, the day spent without cable did manage to resurrect some strong emotions from my Mom. It all started like this ....
Mom: "I'm getting so tired of crocheting all day.I think this is a dumb question, but I'm going to ask anyways."
Me: "Mom, what do you want to ask."
Mom: "Will a DVD work if I put on in?"
Me: she didn't just ask about DVDs "Yep, it will." please don't play the DVD of the "old days" in Terceira
Mom: "OK, well, I'm not going to play one anyways. But was just wondering."
Me: "Oh, ok. I'm gonna go take a nap." please please please no DVDs
Fast forward to around 8pm when I head upstairs to check that her cell phone had minutes on it since we didn't have Cable/Internet and Phone. I walk into her room ... and she's watching a DVD.
And it begins. She starts talking about how she played a DVD that showed my father.
See, my Dad was part of a founding soccer team in Porto Judeu, Terceira. The soccer club was called the Barreiros. During one of my trips to Terceira, I saw that his picture was up on the wall with the rest of the founding team. Well, somehow we managed to get a DVD that documents the history of this little soccer team.
And that's what she was watching when I walked in the room.
She tells me that she liked my Dad since grade school. That she only dated maybe 2-3 guys, but always liked my Dad. She said "oh, your father had girlfriends, he loved to date around, but he told me many times that it was always different when he'd see me." My Dad lived in Graciosa for sometime in his teenage years, so sort of fell out of touch with my Mom. But after his return, he sought her out, determined to date her, and accomplished his mission.
My Mom told me that he would cry often in his later years (after diagnosed with dementia) saying that he was so hurt and sad that he would lose her. He knew he would forget. He did not want to forget the love of his life.
It's the stuff out of movies, that you always wish for, that never seems to happen in real life. Oh, I know they had arguments, everyone does, but to know that they had something since grade school, now that's a fairy tale come true.
She cried so much. I sat with her. Let her keep talking about the love she has for my father. And hugged her. And listened. That is all I can do, listen.
I reiterated to her that I love having her living with me. That I'm lucky to have my Mom with me. She insists that she doesn't want to be a burden. It breaks my heart that she would think she's a burden. After all her and my Dad have done for me, the least I can do is provide for my Mom a safe and loving home.
Thankfully, shortly after our conversation, as if on-cue, Cable came back. And we were instantly distracted by the silly performances on Spanish TV.
Typically I'd be sarcastic "aww, what a horrible fate bestowed upon us to be left without Cable TV". However, the day spent without cable did manage to resurrect some strong emotions from my Mom. It all started like this ....
Mom: "I'm getting so tired of crocheting all day.I think this is a dumb question, but I'm going to ask anyways."
Me: "Mom, what do you want to ask."
Mom: "Will a DVD work if I put on in?"
Me: she didn't just ask about DVDs "Yep, it will." please don't play the DVD of the "old days" in Terceira
Mom: "OK, well, I'm not going to play one anyways. But was just wondering."
Me: "Oh, ok. I'm gonna go take a nap." please please please no DVDs
Fast forward to around 8pm when I head upstairs to check that her cell phone had minutes on it since we didn't have Cable/Internet and Phone. I walk into her room ... and she's watching a DVD.
And it begins. She starts talking about how she played a DVD that showed my father.
See, my Dad was part of a founding soccer team in Porto Judeu, Terceira. The soccer club was called the Barreiros. During one of my trips to Terceira, I saw that his picture was up on the wall with the rest of the founding team. Well, somehow we managed to get a DVD that documents the history of this little soccer team.
And that's what she was watching when I walked in the room.
She tells me that she liked my Dad since grade school. That she only dated maybe 2-3 guys, but always liked my Dad. She said "oh, your father had girlfriends, he loved to date around, but he told me many times that it was always different when he'd see me." My Dad lived in Graciosa for sometime in his teenage years, so sort of fell out of touch with my Mom. But after his return, he sought her out, determined to date her, and accomplished his mission.
My Mom told me that he would cry often in his later years (after diagnosed with dementia) saying that he was so hurt and sad that he would lose her. He knew he would forget. He did not want to forget the love of his life.
It's the stuff out of movies, that you always wish for, that never seems to happen in real life. Oh, I know they had arguments, everyone does, but to know that they had something since grade school, now that's a fairy tale come true.
She cried so much. I sat with her. Let her keep talking about the love she has for my father. And hugged her. And listened. That is all I can do, listen.
I reiterated to her that I love having her living with me. That I'm lucky to have my Mom with me. She insists that she doesn't want to be a burden. It breaks my heart that she would think she's a burden. After all her and my Dad have done for me, the least I can do is provide for my Mom a safe and loving home.
Thankfully, shortly after our conversation, as if on-cue, Cable came back. And we were instantly distracted by the silly performances on Spanish TV.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Running errands with Mom
My Mom has been asking me these last few weeks to setup an appointment with the Funeral Home for her. She wants to make her final arrangements. Which, although it seems kind of 'morbid' or 'forboding' it actually makes a lot of sense to get all that stuff squared away ahead of time.
The thing is - we went to the same Funeral Home where we had my father's funeral. It was surreal being in there. I now know the level at which my Mom was completely distraught two years ago when we first stepped into the place. Sitting in the office waiting for the funeral director, she asked if they redid their wallpaper and if the antique chair right next to the door were new. Of course, neither was new. Now I know that she was completely oblivious to the entire transaction the last time we were there.
For me, I remembered every detail. From the little non-step right outside the door to the distinct color of the carpet along with the smell of the place. I time traveled back two years to when we were scrambling to set things straight for my Dad. I believe I acted in the same manor as well - put my feelings on hold just long enough to get the job done. I didn't know it, but I could recall the crispness of the paper and had committed to memory the pricing of my father's funeral. It was all so strange.
My Mom held up like a trooper. I could tell by the longing way that she gazed out the door, that she was imagining the last time she saw her husband, her best friend that she has known since childhood. I knew she was picturing the moment she last kissed him good-bye. And she, like me, could probably conjure up a clear image of how he looked at peace lying in the casket. Finally his mind at ease. No longer would he have to worry about forgetting or worry about trying to remember.
Th only sure thing in life is that we will all die. There is no escaping that fact. My Dad taught me not to fear death, but to embrace it and use it as a guide to ensure you're living your life to its fullest. Now my Mom seems to have taken over that role. She tells me all the time "we are all going to die" but then she reminds me "enjoy your life - you are young - now is the time for you to live".
After our appointment, we went shopping and spent some time changing a tire in the pouring rain. How my Dad would've laughed at that :)
The thing is - we went to the same Funeral Home where we had my father's funeral. It was surreal being in there. I now know the level at which my Mom was completely distraught two years ago when we first stepped into the place. Sitting in the office waiting for the funeral director, she asked if they redid their wallpaper and if the antique chair right next to the door were new. Of course, neither was new. Now I know that she was completely oblivious to the entire transaction the last time we were there.
For me, I remembered every detail. From the little non-step right outside the door to the distinct color of the carpet along with the smell of the place. I time traveled back two years to when we were scrambling to set things straight for my Dad. I believe I acted in the same manor as well - put my feelings on hold just long enough to get the job done. I didn't know it, but I could recall the crispness of the paper and had committed to memory the pricing of my father's funeral. It was all so strange.
My Mom held up like a trooper. I could tell by the longing way that she gazed out the door, that she was imagining the last time she saw her husband, her best friend that she has known since childhood. I knew she was picturing the moment she last kissed him good-bye. And she, like me, could probably conjure up a clear image of how he looked at peace lying in the casket. Finally his mind at ease. No longer would he have to worry about forgetting or worry about trying to remember.
Th only sure thing in life is that we will all die. There is no escaping that fact. My Dad taught me not to fear death, but to embrace it and use it as a guide to ensure you're living your life to its fullest. Now my Mom seems to have taken over that role. She tells me all the time "we are all going to die" but then she reminds me "enjoy your life - you are young - now is the time for you to live".
After our appointment, we went shopping and spent some time changing a tire in the pouring rain. How my Dad would've laughed at that :)
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
My Birthday
Today's my 37th birthday ... and the first thing I thought of this morning was that only a short two years ago I was with my Dad in the hospital. Man, how time flies.
My Mom gave me an extra big hug this morning. She said that I was already born by that time (7:30am) and wished me "muitos anos de vida, saude e amor" (many years of life, health and love). Boy, did the tears start flowing. Gotta love my Mommy ... she's not sappy by any stretch of the imagination, but every once in awhile she comes out with something that forces me to realize that time is precious, and life is too short.
Here's to a happy birthday to myself ... and much love to my family and friends.
My Mom gave me an extra big hug this morning. She said that I was already born by that time (7:30am) and wished me "muitos anos de vida, saude e amor" (many years of life, health and love). Boy, did the tears start flowing. Gotta love my Mommy ... she's not sappy by any stretch of the imagination, but every once in awhile she comes out with something that forces me to realize that time is precious, and life is too short.
Here's to a happy birthday to myself ... and much love to my family and friends.
Monday, June 27, 2011
A Silva Keg Party??
So this past weekend I had a keg party for my 37th birthday ... the morning after was spent lounging (praying for relief) on the couch. At one point my Mom came downstairs and started to head outside, I told her "you're gonna go look at the mess?" and she's like "yes, it's ok". So she did. She was out there for awhile, no doubt tsking and tasking about the party's aftermath. Or perhaps trying to resurrect the crushed flowers in the garden.
After about what felt like eternity, she came back inside. Even at my age, I was expecting a lecture. Instead, what I got was "remember when your father got a keg for a party?" ... WHAT??!!! I mean, I remember birthday parties and gatherings in our basement, but those memories usually revolve around someone playing an accordian and people singing and eating shellfish. Inevitably, all the kids would end up in the living room upstairs staring at our console TV.
"Yes", she said "don't you remember all the parties we used to have?" I said I sorta remembered. "We used to have parties all the time. Our family would come up from Bristol and you kids would have to sleep on the floor. We weren't going to let them drive home after the amount of alcohol they'd consume." WHAT?!??!?! Even in my hungover daze, I was floored. Shocked even. She always only talked about the one time she tried alcohol and couldn't feel her legs. Nothing talking about crazy drunkfests!!
Then she said it, quite possibly the best compliment ever given: "you're just like your father - you really enjoy having everyone over your house. He used to love to have parties and loved to tell jokes and laugh." She went on to say that she didn't really care for it, she's more of a homebody. But, boy, did my Dad ever love to have a good time!
Yup, in that regards Mom, you're absolutely right. I really enjoy being surrounded by friends and laughter - just like my Daddy.
After about what felt like eternity, she came back inside. Even at my age, I was expecting a lecture. Instead, what I got was "remember when your father got a keg for a party?" ... WHAT??!!! I mean, I remember birthday parties and gatherings in our basement, but those memories usually revolve around someone playing an accordian and people singing and eating shellfish. Inevitably, all the kids would end up in the living room upstairs staring at our console TV.
"Yes", she said "don't you remember all the parties we used to have?" I said I sorta remembered. "We used to have parties all the time. Our family would come up from Bristol and you kids would have to sleep on the floor. We weren't going to let them drive home after the amount of alcohol they'd consume." WHAT?!??!?! Even in my hungover daze, I was floored. Shocked even. She always only talked about the one time she tried alcohol and couldn't feel her legs. Nothing talking about crazy drunkfests!!
Then she said it, quite possibly the best compliment ever given: "you're just like your father - you really enjoy having everyone over your house. He used to love to have parties and loved to tell jokes and laugh." She went on to say that she didn't really care for it, she's more of a homebody. But, boy, did my Dad ever love to have a good time!
Yup, in that regards Mom, you're absolutely right. I really enjoy being surrounded by friends and laughter - just like my Daddy.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)